Simple Bible Answers - A web site to further understand the Word of God.
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Simple Bible Answers - A web site to further understand the Word of God.
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Is Marriage a covenant or just a convenient living arrangement? Q. Is marriage only between a man and a woman? Q. Is marriage more civil or covenant? Q. Why is marriage so important? Can’t living together be
the same if it’s for life?
The first marriage was performed by God
(Gen.2:18-25). And from that point all
marriages were to be ordained from God. This was so important that it is
hardwire into the human mind. History supports this. Culture supports this. No
matter what time, or what location you look to, you will find some form of
marriage. I’m not talking a social/civil form but a religious form, ordained by
some sort of god, if not by God. The most primitive cultures recognize that a
bond, that transcends the promises man can make, is needed to hold a marriage
together. The only power that can be trusted to keep the bonds is the power of
God. Anything else depends on man, and then the bonds rely on economics,
social pressure, and man based love (which can wavier depending on pride, lust,
self worth, etc.). The need to make these commitments before God is self evident
in all cultures. Whether it’s a false god, or the real God, the need is there. Marriages are always between men and women. Even in cultures that allowed homosexuality, the marriages were always between men and women. Some will say that is only because of the family unit. Families do have a lot to do with marriage, but children do not necessitate a marriage. Gays in today’s culture are raising children as so called “families” without marriage (which is so wrong). They may point to limited events in the past were this has happened but even those people understood the special relationship a marriage meant, and marriage stayed between a man and woman. Of course, we as a society, are so much more “enlightened”, or are we? Man confuses technology with maturity. The two aren’t correspondent to each other. Modern man still refers to, and bases their views of society on the works of historic philosophers. These philosophies are then interrupted thru the lens of modern “great thinkers” such as Darwin, Freund, Nietzsche, etc. They are taught in the universities and fine turned by the professors to whatever slant they have. As far as modern technology, it should be for the service of man, but man, more and more, is becoming the slave of the technologies. We can’t add up a restaurant bill without the computer. All these modern advances do is give man a sense that they can do anything. If they can do anything then what is the need for God. With no God then man becomes god, and believes he has the right to decide what is right or wrong. At that point all aspects of life come under the reexamination of this modern man, including marriage. Take a look at the Science page for more. With out God then there is no Godly marriage, and we get what we have now. Godless men are redefining what marriage is. He who defines the terms will most likely win the argument. We no longer refer to marriage as a covenant, Godly, Holy, or sanctified. Those terms are for the ceremony and then left behind in the church (if one decides to have a church service). What was once a church service is now called traditional. Of course traditions are made by repenting actions over time and generations. What is now “traditional”, is little more then the words “till death do us part”. You can have a traditional service if you have any one of a number of items. Bridesmaids (matching dresses and shoes, obscure colors preferred), best man, ring bearer, flower girl, the wedding march, a tux or nice suit, wedding gown (White if you really what to be traditional, purity means little in this choice), flowers, something old-burrowed-blue, and a big reception (and by all means with a open bar). You don’t need all of them, just enough to have the “trappings” of a wedding. This doesn’t need to take place in a church nor does the ceremony need to be performed by a pastor, minister, priest, or any religionist representative. A justice of the peace, or a notary will do just fine. Why? Because the church has turned marriage over to the state. The state at one time did honor the marriage, because the government knew just how important marriage, and family, was for the success of any county. But not so now. What is important to modern man is the success of the bank account. In our desire to have more “perks” from the state we have allowed the state to dictate what a marriage is. Now the church doesn’t sanction marriage, the state does, and thereby tells us what marriage is. What some churches are doing is allowing any marriage the state deems is lawful. Some are even giving blessings to marriages the state hasn’t decided to allow, but "people" in society have deemed admissible. We took what was Holy, handed it to man, and now, we look to what man has done with it as our guideline to what we allow. Marriage is a covenant and/or oath swore to, and made with God, between a man and a woman (Prov. 2:17, Hos. 2:16-20, Mal. 2:14, Ezek.16:8,59-62, Matt. 19:4-6). One man and one woman. In the past before Jesus walked among us, there were incidents that men had more then one wife. This was never what God intended or desired. Like divorce, God allowed, He but never condoned it. God doesn’t bless divorces, or nor does he appear to bless multiple wife’s. A good point in fact is the many wife's that Solomon had. Here we have the wisest man that every lived. And what lead to his down fall was the many wife’s he had, and their false gods they bought to Israel. If the wisest man who walked the earth couldn’t handle more then one wife, why should any one else feel they would fair better. The “two shall become one”, not the gang. The two shall become one, interesting statement there. This works on many levels. Let me propose one that I don’t think I’ve seen before. I’m going to present a list below with many of the attributes of God and how they present themselves in Godly people by gender.
I'm sure you can come up with many more examples, but you get the idea. As you can see the preferences of each gender are aspects of God. Though each gender has qualities of each, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to finger out that each gender excels in different areas. When you put both genders together in a marriage you “complete” what each should be as a whole. Please don’t think this means that the two are a god when they are married. Just when God said “let’s make man in Our image”, we not only were given the ability of free choice, but given some of Gods qualities. Those qualities, even in their very limited human form (and I mean limited and in no way God like), are hard to be fully reached, except in a marriage between “one” man and “one” woman. I doubt if any marriage has ever reached the full potential that it was capable of. Adam and Eve may have been the only ones with a shot, and they blew it (don’t kid yourself, none of us would have faired better). If a woman is submissive to mans authority, and the man
puts his wife’s needs and desires above his own, then a balance can be found.
Men take a look at Eph. 5:25-33, 1 Pet. 3:7, Col. 3:19.
Women take a look at Eph. 5:22-24,33, Col. 3:18, 1 Pet.
3:1-6. Just a side note, I shouldn't have to write this but there are a number of people that may try to twist what was just written. God is never to be thought of as a "she" or as being unisex. God is always a "He". A "Father" or "Son", by all means never a mother, daughter, or a "it". God in no way thinks less of women, He loves both human genders just as much, either has a inherent superior class. There are reasons why God is a "He" that I won't go into here, but they aren't because He doesn't have the red "traits" I listed above, even human men have those traits but tend to lean to the blue list by design. There is a disturbing trend today to rewrite Bibles to be gender neutral. If you have one of those Bibles, trash it. When they translate the Bible so loosely as to make God to be unisex, or worst a female, none of it can be trusted. Female and unisex gods are always the domain of the devil, he uses them for many different reasons I'll cover elsewhere. For now just rest assured that God doesn't "favor" one gender over the other here on earth. But God is always a "He". Don’t compare your marriage to others. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Work on your own marriage, each is as different, as we all are from each other as people. I remember reading in the local paper one time of a man who was married over 50 years, he and his wife were both in their 70’s and he shot her. When asked why, he said he just couldn’t take her anymore. Family and friends were shocked (aren't they always, only God knows what's in the heart of man). Not everything is what it appears all the time. If a couple seems to have it “all together”, asking for advice won’t hurt, but remember to take that advice and compare it to God’s Word, if it’s not compatible, ignore it. It amazes me when I see these so called experts come on TV. After three or four marriages they always write a book on what they’ve learned. No doubt they are experts on how an end a marriage, let me know when you can keep one together. God is the one who created marriage and He has written a lot about it, it’s all in the bible, He’s the expert, first and foremost. Another reason, and a big one, that marriage is very important to God is that He uses it as a symbolic lesson in His relationship with man, and the return of Jesus. A foreshadowing of the return of Jesus and a pattern of the relationship between God and man (Eph. 5:21-33), We the Church are the “Bride” of Jesus. He will return for His Bride. As a Bride in waiting we are to keep ourselves true and pure. True to God, virgins in the sense that we don’t “cheat” with other gods, we don’t soil ourselves with sin, and we don’t make this world our home. Our home is a mansion that the Groom (Jesus) plans to take His Bride (Church) to. At salvation we become part of the Church, and His Bride. The Church is the Bride that will attend the marriage supper of the Lamb. The Christians have a very unique and special place in Gods heart. The Jews are Gods chosen people, but the Christians are his Church, and his Bride. How special it must be to be a Messianic Jew and be able to claim both (as long as they can break free of the law, many can’t). I don’t deserve to bus tables at the marriage supper, let alone be the “Bride”. Marriage is so much more then the legal arrangement that man has relegated it to in recent years. The symbolism in the marriage was also to teach, not just be a living arrangement or a tax credit. Marriage today, at best, is based on “love”. Love is great and needed in marriage, but there may be times that love seems remote, or has taken a siesta. Couples today will stay together while the goings good, but most won’t “stick it out” when the relationship heads south. There are many times that we as Christians fall far short in the department of endurance, especially when it comes to love and marriage. Sad fact for today is Christians no longer fair better when it comes to divorce, adultery or living together when compared to the non-Christian. The Church now is just as bad. If God held the same standards that we do in a marriage, He would have kicked most of us to the curb, a long time ago. Falling in love and then getting married is, for the most part, a relativity new way of dealing with marriage. Don’t get me wrong I have no trouble with falling in love and getting married, that’s how I did it and it’s worked great. But it gives couples an impression that if they fall out of love the “magic” is gone. They, at that point, move on. Today our minds follow our emotions, which is not how it should be. This is a teaching that is taught to best reflect the evolutionally mind set. “We are animals that must follow our basic instincts” is what they would like us to think. You are made in the image of God, not animals. Animals do follow their instinct, that’s how they are built. Man on the other hand can have their emotions follow their thoughts. We were meant for so much more. Instincts, with man, are what is called the “flesh”, our sinful nature. You need to decide which your going to follow, your flesh or your thoughts. Marriages were (and in some places still are) arranged. The couples many times never met. They couldn’t fall in love before marriage, and you know what, it worked. They learned to love each other. When rough times came they didn’t walk away from the relationship, they worked it out. They 1)., respected the institution of marriage and all it stands for, and 2)., they weren’t in love when they met, and had a understanding if feelings seemed to cool, it was just something to work out. Today if one or the others “feelings” aren’t there anymore, then the relationship must be over. At one time couples stayed together “for the children”, it was good in one sense for it bought the marriage time. By the time the kids had grown, some found that they did love each other. Today with the advent of single parenthood, and the lost stigma of being a single parent, even that little buffer is gone. God commands us to love our enemies. Not tolerate, put up with, or just except. But to love. God will never ask us to do what we can’t. That goes back to emotions following thought. If you decide to love someone, you can. If you can love your enemies then why can’t you learn to love your spouse? You loved them enough to marry them; doesn’t a little effort seem in order? Even if you never loved the other, you can. Marriage and sex are looked at as if both go hand in hand. Both are thought to be “rights” of adulthood. We aren’t born with an inalienable right to either. In fact some people aren’t meant to be married, and thereby aren’t meant to have sex. Sex doesn’t mean love either. Because of society, and hormones, man has confused love and sex. You can have sex and not love someone, and you can love someone and not have sex. If you’re marring someone because you think you love them, and thereby can have sex with them, you’ve started on the wrong foot. Once this fleshed base love has passed you are then in a “loveless” marriage. That doesn’t mean you have the right to then get divorced. It’s at this point you make a mental effort to love the person. If you stay in the habit of mentally loving the person, your emotions will follow. Is this going to be easy.... no, it will take time and effort, but if both try, the rewards are more then worth it. You will then have a marriage not based on “instinct”, but based on commitment, time, effort, a true understanding, and love of the other person. Along with this will come the emotions, these will be less fleeting since they are based on more then “hormones”. Man today has a whacked idea of what love is, for the most part. Love isn’t Champaign at midnight, slow motion running in a field, or the engine room of a stinking ship. A string section doesn’t start to play when you gaze into the others eyes. We had enough trouble when it was just a knight in shinning armor, and a maiden with long flowing hair. Now love has to compete with digital effects and Dolby stereo. In reality, love should be there with bedhead and morning breath. Love can survive dirty dishes in the sink, toys scattered in the living room, and unbearable work schedules. Love endures all. Money troubles, in-laws, sickness, kids, retirement, stupidity, and whatever you can throw at it. Love endures all (1 Cor. 13:6). Jesus and the Bible have a lot written on marriage, more then many even know. Remember to keep verses in context; also, we need to know whom the words are intended for. Therefore, to get a fuller understanding of the importance of marriage to God, lets look at what marriage was, at the time of Jesus. Jesus was speaking and living with the Jews of His day, and the references He used, they understood. The Jews have changed some of their traditions, so we need to turn the clock back 2000 years or so. And we may get a richer understanding of the wedding, and marriage. One of the first miracles Jesus performed was at a wedding, He knew full well all that went into a wedding (as if God really needs to attend one to know of it). Some of what is written below on Jewish wedding traditions from the time of Jesus comes from a book by Richard Booker entitled “Here Comes the Bride”. First; We have the betrothal. The betrothal was just as much, and more so, binding as any marriage today. It was just as binding in many ways back then, as a marriage, and could only be broken by a divorce. The future bride not being faithful was considered proper grounds, but not much else. Joseph considered this when he found Mary was pregnant with Jesus. But an angel did some fill-in as to why this was, and Joseph went ahead with the marriage (Matt. 1:18-25). The man would prepare a “Ketubah”, or marriage contract ( a covenant) which he presented to both the bride to be, and her father. In this contract proposal was the “Bride Price”(1 Cor. 6:20), which back then compensated the woman’s parents for the cost of raising her, and to show the love he had for her. Unlike later, in most cultures, where the bride had to have a dowry, the soon to be Groom paid the price for the bride. Second; We have the acceptance. To find out if the woman accepted the proposal the man would pour a cup of wine for her. This cup of wine represented a “blood covenant”. If she drank the cup it would mean she accepted the offer and both would be betrothed. At this point the man would give gifts to the young lady, and then he would leave to his fathers house (Mk 16:19). The girl then was to wait for his return to collect her (1 Thess. 4: 16-17). Right before leaving the man would announce to all, “I am going to prepare a place for you” and “I will return for you when it is ready” (John 14:2-3). Today’s Jews have a canopy called a “Chuppah”. What the chuppah symbolizes is the “honeymoon room” that the young men built, back then, on their fathers home. He wasn’t allowed to be cheap in the building of this room and he needed his fathers approval before he could consider it ready for his bride to be. Because of this when asked by people when the wedding was to be, the only response allowed was, “Only the father knows” (Mk. 13:32). In the meantime the bride would be getting ready for her soon to be groom, she stayed pure and made herself beautiful (Rev. 21). If she went out, she would wear a veil. The veil would mean she was betrothed and she was “bought for a price” (1 Cor. 6:19-20). Third; came the Wedding. When the young man had finished his wedding chamber and the father said it was ready, the son, our soon to be bridegroom, would go to collect his bride. This could happen at anytime, and the bride would have no idea of the timing (Matt. 24:44, 25:13). Because of that the bride would make arrangements. By custom the bride would keep her lamp, veil, and her other belongings beside her bed. The bridesmaids also were on standby, and had to have oil ready for their lamps (Matt 25:1-13). The man would head out with his friends and when they were close to the brides home they would give a shout and blow a “shofar” (rams horn) (1 Thess. 4:16), to let her know to be ready. The next thing they did may seem a little odd today, but back then the wedding party would head to the fathers house (Rapture). The newlyweds went into the wedding chamber for a seven day honeymoon. The groom’s best friend stood outside waiting for the groom to tell him the marriage was consummated. Proof of this was the bedsheet that had the brides blood on it. This was to be proof of her purity before marriage, and it also represented a blood covenant, the most binding kind to the people. In the mean time the friends would be celebrating for the seven days of the honeymoon. When the couple came out they would offer congratulations and the “Marriage Supper” (Rev. 19:9) could begin. To the Jews this meant;
Sad to say the marriage wasn’t a good one with the Jews and God put away His unfaithful bride, but as we see in Hosea, God will take her back, and soon. To the Christians this means:
We have taken what was meant to be a living lesson of God’s love for us and made it a legal agreement, no more special in many cases then a lease on an apartment, easier to break for the most part. Yes marriage was meant to be a way for man and women to find fulfillment. To start and raise a family, to never be alone, but it also is a foreshadowing of Gods love for us. The Church is his Bride, He paid the price, but how many have their lamps ready to go? How many wait staying pure and getting ready for Him. How many go into the world with signs so easy to see as a veil, to show the world we are Betrothal? Do we appear to be people whom are spoken for, or do we act like Hosea’s wife, making time with any suitor that comes along?
So to wrap up.
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Last modified: 12/15/07For a FREE downloadable KJV Bible click here. Opinions or questions: Mail@SimpleBibleAnswers.com
Re:22:18: For I testify unto every man
that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto
these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:
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